Arsenal v Portsmouth

Winter is closing in. The tits in our back garden have almost run out of nuts and the mice are so starving they’ve taken to eating from the box of mouse poison that’s been in the cupboard under the sink for the last year. It always gets cold in the days just after Christmas. Which is why I haven’t left the house all day.

My friend Mark phoned and asked if I was doing anything tonight. No, I said. Fancy going to see Arsenal v Portsmouth. No, I said. Er, OK then. Bye.

Instead I cracked open some beers and watched telly with my wife. There was one chocolate left from the really fancy box and I said she could have it.